Destroyed Women. Part One
Speaking of an abuser, I will often name the woman because unfortunately, the most common violence is that caused to women. But we must not forget that men too can be "attacked" by their spouse. It exists, we must not forget it.
Violence has always existed but one would have thought that with the rise of feminism things would evolve and that greater equality between men and women would result in less violence. It is not so!
The evolution of morals did not make anything disappear, on the contrary, it made the violence more subtle. By reading the newspapers one could think of a marginal phenomenon, but it is a real social scourge which unfortunately is not taken into consideration.
Psychological maltreatment and a truly destructive mental health problem is rarely discussed. The consequences on the victim are very serious. Despite the importance of this suffering, it remains an optional option in medical education. Contrary to what is often said, spousal violence is possible only because society accepts it silently.
The threshold of tolerance of each is a function of its history and sensitivity. Nevertheless, this threshold can be modified by the nature of the violence suffered and especially by the nature of the right of way. Great violence can be hidden under the appearance of benevolence or behind good words: hence a very strong hold.
1 - Reaction violence: justified because it responds to aggression, insults
2 - Acting violence: consists of a deliberate action to dominate and to make the other suffer
It should be noted that in most cases, the perpetrators are persuaded that they are merely responding to an assault and that therefore there is no conscious intent to harm others, even if the facts are blatant!
In violence, the aggressor prevents the other from flourishing, there is no possible dialogue. In fact, he is denied in his integrity.
Very often aggression is only seen through physical aggression and the marks it can leave. This is only one aspect of the problem, the tip of the iceberg. Often, psychological violence begins with jostling, abusive behavior, intimidation, micro-violence that is used to prepare the ground.
But whatever the type of violence, the issue is always the "domination of the other".
In spousal abuse, psychological attacks are the most dangerous: they are just as bad as physical aggression and have more serious consequences. There are forms of violence where the partner, without striking a blow, succeeds in destroying the other.
In all couples, there are conflicts, disputes. What distinguishes conjugal violence from a simple conflict of couples is not blows or hurtful words, but respect in the couple. In a conflict between couples, the identity of each is preserved, the other is respected which is far from the case when the issue is to dominate and crush his partner.
Some are surprised to see that women stay and hastily conclude a consent. But the aggressor's grip is such that they are not aware of the grip under which they are. This dialogue must stop because it must be noted that without psychological preparation to submit it, no woman would accept psychological abuse. In fact, there is no need to use force to subjugate others: subtle, repetitive, veiled, ambiguous means can be used with equal efficiency. These acts and words are more pernicious than direct aggression. This conditioning process can almost be associated with brainwashing (used in prisons, sects ...).
This hold paralyzes the woman, prevents her from leaving her husband, leads her to tolerate the intolerable!
This violence is indeed an abuse that occurs in the intimacy of a relationship when one of the partners tries to impose his power by force. It is the effective proximity that creates the gravity of this violence: where the effects are very strong can emerge the most intense sufferings.
It is explained that men are unquestionably the most violent by analyzing the social context. Society prepares them for a dominant role and if they do not succeed naturally, they try to obtain it by force. Violence would be one way for them to control women. This may be partly true but not enough to explain the violence in the couple. It can not be reduced to a social phenomenon because it would be equivalent to forgetting the psychological vulnerability of the aggressor.
It is imperative that women learn to identify the first signs of violence and denounce them in order to find the strength to get out of such an abusive situation. To understand why we tolerate intolerable behavior is to understand how we can get out of it. It is through this understanding of the springs of violence that they suffer that women will emerge from the grip that paralyzes them.
To be continued ............