When Being Strong is Your Only Choice

Accept your vulnerability.I'm not feeling well lately and it must be the weather. It's just the lack of physical strength and not really due to lack of motivation. I'm still motivated as hell to show up at work, my work. I'm just feeling sick lately. There have been tropical storms coming this way which even makes it harder for me to go out and do things. I stay indoors which is kind of depressing but it gives me a lot of time to write and work on my project.When I stay indoors, I tend to think a lot. I just keep myself busy to overcome overthinking. I end up writing what I have been thinking. Somehow I still feel the need to write, this is where I get my strength.Right now, it even takes a lot of effort to do my routine. Eating or preparing a simple meal has become annoying. I live in a quite isolated area and delivery is not an option. If I need to buy something, it is difficult to get to town or to the nearest market due to bad weather. And there is no one else around. Someday when I am earning a lot, I can probably afford someone to do things for me especially when I'm sick. Sometimes I feel like crying for being helpless and far away from loved ones. But then I still have to do things because no one else will do it for me.These days I suddenly miss things. I miss being taken care of, after all, I'm a 35-year old needy child trapped in a woman's body. I just feel weak emotionally and physically, but I know, this too shall pass. There are just days that I'm not feeling strong and I'm fine with that, I accept my vulnerability.I just want to pause and say, this is too much. I need to take it slow. I have always believed that when being strong is my only choice, I still have to get up and face the battle. Wear my armor take up my sword. Draw all the energy I have stored in my heart. However, sooner or later, this battle will wear me down.Only the hard ones break, soft is stronger than hard. Those who put up a strong appearance might really be dying inside. People are so obsessed with all these self-help about being strong. You thought that weakness leads to mental illness when in reality, those who are acting mentally strong are more prone to anxiety and psychological disorders.When you deny your genuine feelings inside, fear, loneliness, and uncertainty, sooner or later, you break. It is difficult to put on a strong face and act most of the time in fear of judgment. You don't ask for help or you just shut up in fear of being called needy or weak. This is really deadly. There are people out there who just disappeared when life becomes unbearable. When it becomes too much.If being strong is your only choice, gain strength but also learn to accept your vulnerability. It does not necessarily mean giving up or being weak. Weakness is more about hiding yourself from the world. Being strong is being aware when you are really tired. When you need to stop and breathe. When you need to ask for help. If you continue to maintain your pretty and strong exterior, you'll just widen the gap of being what you really are and what you show.