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Teacher: Rumiko, be careful your purse is open. Someone might take your money! Rumiko: Oh, no. I left it open so I can get more money. Teacher: How can you get more money? Rumiko: The weather report said we would have some change in our weather!

Student: I is the... Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after an "I". Always put "am" after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!! Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. "Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks. "Boy," is the man's response. "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there," says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some nstructions: "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off.

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

Aulus Cornelius Celsus (c. 25 BC – c. 50 AD) was a Roman encyclopaedist, known for his extant medical work, De Medicina, which is believed to be the only surviving section of a much larger encyclopedia. The De Medicina is a primary source on diet, pharmacy, surgery and related fields, and it is one of the best sources concerning medical knowledge in the Roman world. The lost portions of his encyclopedia likely included volumes on agriculture, law, rhetoric, and military arts. He made contributions to the classification of human skin disorders in dermatology, such as Myrmecia, and his name is…