Enter The Naysayers - Blocking The Path To Happiness
Let me ask you a question. Are you a naysayer? Or to put it another way, are you the kind of person that concentrates on things that can’t be done, rather than the ones that can?
The reason I ask is because while I was at the gym yesterday, during my post-workout sauna, I overheard two people talking about the bad back one of them had. The guy with the back problem was talking about all the things he had done to sort it out over the years.
Anytime I come across anyone with a bad back, I always recommend Esther Gokhale’s amazing book, 8 Steps To A Healthy Back. This is because the 8 Steps book absolutely revolutionised my lumbar fitness. Without realising it I used to have fairly restricted motion, and was often getting back pain and twinges, nothing serious, but enough to worry that I was developing some kind of long-term problem.
One day I was listening to a Ted talk, and the guy giving the talk demonstrated one of the techniques from the 8 Steps book. I was so impressed with the claims that I decided to do a bit of research which led to me eventually buying the book. Today my back feels 20 years younger.
Anyway back to the gym story, as I was about to leave the sauna I started to tell the guy about the book; before I’d even finished my sentence he was telling me about all the things he’d done before. Fine, I thought, I’ll listen to him and let him finish speaking, thinking that perhaps he had heard of the book and was about to tell me his experience with it. However, he just wanted to tell me about all the things that had not worked for him, so I told him that he should try the book because it had worked for me, and also other people I’d recommended it to.
Again he started telling me about what he’d done before, and that’s when I realised he was basically saying, it won’t work because I’ve tried everything. I tried putting it in a different way for him, gently suggesting that he hadn’t tried this yet, unfortunately (for him), he responded with a wall of negativity.
I shrugged, and as I left the sauna repeated that he should give it a go for 6 months and see the results, he responded with a little laugh and a look that clearly said he wasn’t even going to contemplate the idea.
Shame, I was just trying to be nice, I don’t particularly care whether his back is cured or not as it won’t affect me one little bit. He however, has denied himself an opportunity to perhaps fix a long-term back problem that started with a simple pulled muscle.
Oh well, such is the plight of the naysayer.
Denial More Than Just A River In Egypt
You probably answered no to my initial question, nobody wants to be thought of as a negative Nelly, however without even realising, you may well indeed be a naysayer. Why should you even care though? Well because if you are a naysayer, then rather like the gym guy in the story above, it is unlikely that you will ever discover something that could make a huge difference to your life, you will remain stuck where you are forever.
The thing is, if before suggesting the book I had asked that gym guy yesterday if he was a naysayer, I bet you he too would have said no. This is because the human animal has difficulty spotting negative traits in themselves, whilst easily picking them out in others.
”Oh she’s so selfish!”
”Really? Can you be a bit selfish sometimes?”
”No! I’m super generous!”
”Oh he’s such a miser with his money!”
”Uh-huh, and what about you, aren’t you a bit stingy sometimes?”
”Absolutely not, if anything, my fault is that I’m too generous!”
We see this played out again and again, if you have ever filled in a job application where they ask you to list a few weaknesses about yourself. I’m betting you a penny to a pound that you in fact listed favourable characteristics instead.
”I’m too hard working, I don’t know when to stop.”
”I’m too generous with my time, I’m always trying to help people.”
”I’m always putting others before myself”.
You’ll notice the last two are just different ways of saying the same thing, this is exactly what most people do when faced with this question. Rather than find a genuine fault with themselves, they’ll just find another way to say something that they perceive as a good thing. Nobody ever puts stuff like, well, I know I can be a bit lazy at times..., or I have a bit of a temper and so often snap at people.
This basically means you cannot take your own word on the subject of if you are a naysayer or not, the best way is to take a little test I’ve devised and check your score at the end. Be honest with yourself because otherwise there is zero point to taking the test.
Naysayer Or Not
How many times in the last 12 months have you purchased an educative course? 0/1/2/3 or more
When was the last time you tried something new for a main meal? This morning/last week/ I can’t remember?
A friend tells you about an amazing new business opportunity, do you
o A) say thanks but no thanks?
o B) tell him to send you an email?
o C) Ask him to tell you all about it?A colleague at work tells you they’ve just discovered a new way of doing a task that you’re very familiar with, do you,
o A) say thanks, however you are fine doing it your way?
o B) tell them that you’re interested to hear it but don’t have any time?
o C) arrange a time that you can sit down with them and find out more?
Okay, if you have not bought any courses in the last 12-18 months, cannot remember the last time you tried something new to eat, and you answered a), or b) for the last two questions, then I’m afraid you may well be a naysayer. Not to worry though! There is a cure, it is so potent that it can kill a cat as well as naysaying!
Curiosity, The Flipside Of The Naysaying Coin
It really is as simple as being more curious. If you are the sort of person to reject new things out of hand. Or you’re the kind of user who gets really wound up when your favourite website changes its design, then you simply need to become more curious. Walk into a supermarket you’ve never been in before and buy something you’ve never tried, take a new route home, see what the new design has to offer.
Of course you don’t have to accept the changes, merely being curious about them will curb your naysaying urge.
Cynical Vs Curious
It is possible to retain a healthy amount of cynicism and curiosity at the same time, in fact it is necessary. The more opportunities you check out, the more likely it is you will come across bad products, and bad people trying to scam you. So I’m not saying that you should be curious to the point of reckless, just because that Nigerian prince says he’s going to wire you $15 million does not mean he will.
The point is to remain curious enough to check out something new, whilst staying cynical enough to ask questions about the opportunity. For instance, if our friend in the gym was being curious and cynical he might have asked the following questions:
”Who is the author of the book; why is she qualified to give back advice?”
”What type of bad back does it claim to treat?”
”What studies have been done to back up her claims?”
”Do any expert medical professionals agree with her methods?”
”What exactly are her methods?”
”Are you affiliated with her in any way?”
”How much does it cost?”
”Where can I get it?”
…and so on.
By being curious enough to explore and cynical enough to ask probing questions, you open yourself up to a whole world of opportunities which you would otherwise had missed if you were just being a cynical naysayer.
Lastly, don’t be embarrassed if you now realise you’ve slipped into the negative space of the naysayer. I too once found myself in this place, I vowed to become more curious and to adventure outside of my comfort zone, very shortly after I discovered Stemit.com, and the rest, as they say, is history.
HAVE YOU BECOME A NAYSAYER WITHOUT REALISING IT? OR MAYBE YOU KNOW SOMEBODY THAT SEEMS TO ALWAYS LOVE SAYING NO TO EVERYTHING? OR PERHAPS YOU KNOW PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS DISMISS ANY IDEAS YOU MIGHT HAVE? WHATEVER THE SITUATION, AS EVER, LET ME KNOW BELOW!
Elijah O'Donnell on Unsplash