Can you love someone and cheat on them?

It is impossible to love someone and cheat on them. People who cheat on others are not necessarily bad people (most likely they are), but they definitely know nothing about love. Cheaters are almost always very insecure. They are insecure because they did not experience love, being wanted, in their formative years. They don’t know love, don’t recognize love, cannot recognize it when someone loves them. They really don’t know what it is, and have insanely unrealistic ideas about it, usually acquired from storybooks and movies. Or from desperate fantasies resulting from extreme emotional deprivation in the past (as the fasting person dreams beautiful dreams about steak and ice cream). They wring others dry trying to get their fantasy to come true. And have little use for people who cannot make those fantasies real. And no one can. We all know that cheaters cheat, and never just once, and never just on one person. No one can satisfy them.

So they distrust others who claim to love them, because it never looks beautiful and true enough. They feel that the other person is lying to them, doesn’t love them, is perhaps playing them for a fool, and probably cheating on them. They don't feel respected or valuable, are so self-absorbed and hurting, and are always distrustful, suspicious.

They are always busy protecting themselves from all the bad people in the world, including you. If you tell them that you love them, you are a liar. You are really out to use them and cheat on them.

They have very little energy to care about anyone else. Their energy is all used up fighting against ghosts.

Cheating is natural for such a person. For them, it’s not even really cheating. It’s protection, revenge. It’s the name of the game. (“She’s probably thinking about cheating on me anyway. I’ll cheat on her first. Payback in advance.”) Love and trust are not even on the radar. They are constantly looking for validation, for soothing, looking to be convinced that they mean something. They "love" someone to the extent that they get what they seek: a taste of the love that they dream about. But very soon, they see flaws in the other person. The other person does not meet up to their dreams. The other person “clearly” does not really love them. The other person is dishonest. Or manipulative. Or dysfunctional. Or a cad. Or a slut.

At this point, cheating becomes natural, not a big deal at all, because the other person (the cheatee) has ceased to have any real value, and has “proven” that they are unable to meet the needs of the cheater.

(In fact, for the cheater, his ability to hurt his partner is proof (to him) that he has value, that he means something, and is a demonstration of the love that he looks for. Cheaters feel worthless, unseen, insecure, unsure, unacknowledged. The power to hurt someone, to make someone cry because of them, is near ecstasy. “My God! Look at those tears. She must really love me!” But that euphoria lasts for maybe a few hours. The cheater is insatiable.)

It makes no sense to say that you can cheat on someone you love. It makes more sense to hold that if you cheat on a person, you don't give a darn about him or her.

Compare the cheater to the person who would no sooner cheat on his or her partner than punch a baby or kill a puppy. There are people who think that cheating on their partner is an abomination, as bad as anything you can do, and would find it impossible to do.

There are some people who find a love, never cheat, never think about it. They are in love, never stop being in love. And even if they stop being in love, they gave their word and intend on keeping it. They are much different from the person who finds someone, and proceeds to lie to, hurt, and cheat on that person.

There is such a thing as love. And it does not involve cheating. If someone cheats on you, don't ever make the mistake of thinking that that person loves you. They do not.

If someone cheats on you, you have been cheated. You have been duped, tricked. You have been slapped in the face. You have been lied to, disrespected, devalued, shat upon. Even people who HATE you don’t treat you that badly! If you go on to trust or depend on that person, be sure that you will one day be very sorry you did. And then it will be your fault.

In fact, what better proof could there be that your partner does not love you, than if he or she cheats on you? What more do you need?