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A man wanting to borrow another man's newspaper asks, "Are you finishe(d)?" The other man replies, "No, I'm Norwegian."

One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"

What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late? The reply from the railroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Emiko shared a house with an American guy and his dog. Every month, he puts some flea medicine on his dog. One day, when he was putting the medicine, he told Emiko, "This flea medicine is expensive." She was confused and asked him, "Expensive? Didn't you just say it was FREE?" Emiko went to a sandwich café with her American roommate. A waitress asked what they wanted. Emiko said, "I have a crab sandwich." Her roommate ordered a turkey sandwich. After a few minuets, their orders were ready. They sat at the table and got a bite.